Eye Spy

I dodge the wayward eyeballs.
Those that float in the space around.
Fearing I might be noticed,
fearing I might be found.
All I sought was an asylum.
Some place to run to, some place to hide.
Some nook where I could bury my self;
save myself from this riptide
that engulfs us. This tumult of society,
where everyone stands stripped,
imploring others to acknowledge their existence
for without this recognition their life seems clipped.
Why should I join the parade?
This shameless pretense for approval?
Find more pleasure in the dazzle of glamour,
despite the comforts of frugal?
I feel lost and confused, for despite seeing through
I cannot ignore these eyes.
That hunt me and despise me
for not conforming and force me to tell lies.
So I keep dodging these wayward eyeballs.
Those that float in this vast space
around me, as around everyone else
nudging us on in this pointless race.
I seek the self that I had lost as a child, a long time ago;
the one that was 'me', way before this plague.
But I well know this search is only a dream. As it shall remain,
even on the day I seek refuge in my grave.

Blood On The Altar

A recent conversation with a junior of mine raised the topic of "sacrifice". The talks were concerning friendship in general hovering over semi and fully processed glasses of alcohol. He pointed out that I as a friend had failed to sacrifice something to make another friend of mine happy. To avoid monotone, I did not explain the point (or rather pointless-ness) of sacrifices using my "selfishness of man" theory. Rather, I maintained that it should have never come to the point where I was asked to sacrifice for a friend's sake.

If I need point out again, sacrifice is another selfish human gesture. One sacrifices for his friends because it makes him feel good about it. Curtly put.

But let us try to stray off the path a little. (After all its not always fun to do things the simpler way!) Sacrifice, as far as I believe, is the voluantary giving up of things that you would rather have. Sacrificing something for a friend means that you give up things because the particular friend of your's wants you to. And a friend is supposed to be one who cares for and respects you for what you are... I believe the point/pointless-ness is made.

Sacrificing for your friends is something that you do voluntarily if you see your friend's benifit in it. Sacrifices are not something that a friend would demand of you. If not made, it's not something that he would hold against you (neither is it something that will bug your conscience).

My opinion, however paltry and contrary to popular notions, expresses that the best human relations are ones that require no sacrifice. Hardly do you need not travel lengths because you've been asked to, but because you want to, and still be glad to do it again. These relations come as not only human, but even your pet dog, or your fancy new car, or your ego even [:D].

I leave you with a couple of quotes to ponder upon:

Gandhi, one of the persons I do not usually agree with, remarked on the essence of sacrificing as follows:

“The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy. The Buddha gave up the pleasures of life because they had become painful to him.”

And Oscar Wilde:

“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”

The Judgement

So this is the day that I so dreaded?

Feared, repulsed and held in awe so?

Is this what it was all about?

This dais? This theater where I feel the walls grow?

And you my dear lord; yes, you who stand above.

And watch the show in silence.

Never cry, never applaud,

not even scream at all the gore and violence!

And you say you hold

the right to pass judgement on me?

While you are just a critic

of an art that strives to break free

of the shackles

that this absurd audience puts on me.

It laughs when I am uncertain

and applauds when I present a tragedy.

Why should I hear their bickering?

Why? Why indeed!

Why should I even fear your judgement my lord?

Tell me, why? I plead.

Your name is enough to cause wars.

Your existence a debate.

Should the fear that you instill,

be the one that decides my fate?

Should you not be appreciating

whatever it is that I do?

Be not the critic but the director

and see that I act my role through.

But you choose to sit not nigh but high.

To pass a judgement. To tell me my end.

So I tell you lord, strike upon me with your verdict.

But until I get off the stage I shalt not bend.

World We Belong

Another of those restless nights

when time seems to stand,

and I head out, call a good friend of mine

to join me in the old town bar.

"What's up?" he asks,

Smirking as if he did not know

What troubled me could consume him

but I just smile and raise a brow.

To whom does the night belong?

To whom belong the stars?

Stare at the neon halos in silence,

search for the answers in my half filled glass;

The futile attempts of man,

to fathom the endless nature;

Smile as I see the irony

in how he worships his own grotesque caricature.

"Never will we give up, never will we die"

floats the anthem covering the planet in a smog.

"We got nukes, so screw you!"

I vividly picture the threatening holocaust,

offered as a penance for the crimes we done

and the rights we managed to be-wrong;

I lie back as I try to rid my thoughts

And sigh, such is the world that we belong.

Freebird? Indeed!

I choose a particularly unobvious topic this time around. Freedom. Freedom from tyranny, freedom from society, freedom from the system, freedom from relations, freedom from reality... Like Freddie (Mercury), wont we all like to break free? The answer, you might say, is obvious. Why of course, we need our freedom, we crave our freedom. But is it that obvious?

There happens to be a particularly interesting book that I am reading at the moment. "The New Russians" by Hedrick Smith. It talks of perestroika and glasnost. For the historically impaired, the political reforms in the USSR. To explain it shortly, USSR was a very closed country. For decades. Ruled by tsars and tyrants, it had bred a generation that was totally unaware of political freedom. Gorbachev tries to introduce his people to the face of democracy. And as history tells us, he succeeds.

One of the more troubling things about this book is the way in which the author rambles about the "wrongs" of the Soviet system and how people are reluctant to change to the "new and improved" political version of democracy. I believe he is totally out of place in making comparisons and criticising a system he was never rooted in. But more importantly, what I found extremely interesting was the way that people started abusing the new freedom that Gorbachev blessed them with.

Getting back into a context that most of you would appreciate, freedom is something of a powerful drug, if you allow me to make the absurd comparison. It is addictive, it sure is abused, and it is very hard to procure. But then the rebel in us always wants to know what it is that is being held from us. Why arent we allowed access to that drug? What could it possibly taste like? And then there are our fantasies of how we will enjoy ourselves if we actually manage to get our hands on it.

But sadly there are two things that we tend to ignore. Firstly, we tend to lose the appreciation for the things that we already have in place of freedom. These things differ with the change of context of freedom. But yes there are things that we ignore, or take for granted, which sadly are no longer there once we get our so anticipated freedom.

Secondly, there are the responsibilities that come along with the freedom. It's like the big instruction manual with the gadget you just ordered. You have to go through it before you can get the (darned) thing working. All the plans that you make with your freedom are left jammed in the middle of nowhere while you go along finishing off chores that you so wonderfully enjoyed when you were dependent on others to finish them off.

Sad, but independence is not always all rosy. perhaps a shade of red, but definitely not rosy. Freedom is something that isn't meant to be taken without prescription. There comes a time when you are prepared enough for it. And usually its there when you are ready.

But then it does not stop you from experimenting. Sure, go on, venture, take a walk on the wild side. But be grateful for what you have. Dependence is as good as independence, if not better in certain ways. [;)]

If this post did not make sense to you, then probably it wasn't meant for you. [:)]

Anyway, I would obviously appreciate your participation.

I'll end with a lovely song by The Who:

I'm free-I'm free,

And freedom tastes of reality,

I'm free-I'm free,

An' I'm waiting for you to follow me.

If I told you what it takes

to reach the highest high,

You'd laugh and say 'nothing's that simple'

But you've been told many times before

Messiahs pointed to the door

And no one had the guts to leave the temple!

Square One - Coldplay

A great song. A curtained room in a sunny afternoon, you lying on the bed, the speakers blaring the song... Terrific... But then that is not what I intend to discuss...


Has been long since I wrote something. And I could not even find time to comment on your views on my last topic. It was interesting reading the entire list of comments one after the other. Seemed like we really were discussing something there... :)




There was something about Fb's last comment that reminded me of a discussion I once had with ... someone ... in the past that so very continuously betrays us and slips out of our mind. The topic of the discussion was a relatively simpler one. And I believe I have had a shorter version of the same discussion with Aggie.


The discussion started off with trifle school curriculum discussions and went on to the question that does "scientific development" really lead us anywhere? An absurd thought. But the more I think about it, the more I am sure that we are still where we started. Perhaps we never moved. Perhaps we are not even supposed to.
You could argue (as did my partner in discussion at the time) that in the past 'n' number of years the human life expectancy has gone up by an average of 20 years or so. We now live a longer life. True. But I say we live an unfortunate life. One that is continuously plagued my the fear of infection, disease, a social insecurity and a lot many more unwanted burdens. Result: we hardly "live" that long life. (I for sure am not very certain where the last few years of my life went!!)
Then you could say we are looking deeper into the atom every passing decade. Well, I say it would not have hurt us so if we had let an atom remain as indivisible as its name suggested. But then we owe electricity, computers and who could forget, mobile phones to this technology. Don't we?
Do we? I find the constant beeping and ringing of mobile phones a pain that has to borne with. I find more solace in playing football in a field than driving cars that I could never own on my desktop.


It is individual perception perhaps, but somewhere I do feel that we all could have lived as much a life roaming around naked, hunting for our food, not worrying about the deadly diseases and politics of the world, dying at an age of 40 ignorant about electrons shooting around in metal. But then I do not see myself doing it. Unfortunate as it seems, this life is as good as that.


And what has brought us to all this? The so very hailed human "thirst" for knowledge. Thirst.. Greed... it goes back to playing with the words. So what do we do about it, dear mortals?


Maybe the following will appeal to the saner humour that you possess somewhere in the back of your heads...


Calvin: "I'm a simple man, Hobbes."
Hobbes: "You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!"
Calvin: "I'm a simple man with complex tastes."


Adolf Hitler, in his autobiography (an excellent but twisted piece of thought provoking literature) states something that I have always thought to be true:

Man must not fall into the error of thinking that he was ever meant to become lord and master of Nature. A lopsided education has helped to encourage that illusion. Man must realise that a fundamental law of necessity reigns throughout the whole realm of Nature and that his existence is subject to the law of eternal struggle and strife. (...) Man must also submit to the eternal principles of this supreme wisdom. He may try to understand them but he can never free himself from their sway.
(...)
Here as in elsewhere, one may defy Nature for a certain period of time; but sooner or later she will take her inexorable revenge. And when man realises the truth it is often too late.

Aham Brahmosmi ?

There seem to be few times that we pause to think of why we do what we do. Of course in the few moments of insight that we have every now and then, we seem to ponder on the purpose of it all (discussed in short in "Of Birth and Death and the Screw Up in Between"). But the moment passes and we go on about our mundane tasks. Living on the way we always have. Without any real concern as to where it might all lead us. But then is there a reason behind our actions?
If you think real hard, there is one basic principle driving each and every action that you take. A very simple reason too. The reason is the ever selfish nature of man. The few times that I have discussed the topic with a few friends of mine, I have received a very common reaction to he word 'selfish'. For the sake of completeness, let us define the word here although I am quite sure that all of us are well aware of the meaning. Looked up in http://dictionary.reference.com/ the word is defined as:

self·ish /ˈsɛlfɪʃ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronuncia[sel-fish]
–adjective

1.	devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

2.	characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

Custom has made us associate the word with a negative aspect of character. I beg of you to shun the custom for a few minutes and look at the word objectively. All it says is that selfishness means putting one's interests first. I would like to restate the reason of action:

The reason that we do anything is because of our selfish nature to remain happy.

It would be terribly hard to nail the fact in a customary way. A better option would be to look at the possible counter arguments.
The very first of them would be that not all our deeds are selfish. All of us occasionally lend a kind helping hand to the needy. But then my friend, it is just because the kind deed that you do makes you happy. Gives you a sense of self satisfaction. I could go around ignoring all the needy in the world but then i would suffer from a nagging conscience. The reason I give money to charity, the reason I work in NGO's, the reason I support PeTA, the reason I advocate vegetarianism, the reason for all I do is because I want to be satisfied that I did something "good". The reason is my satisfaction. MY. Selfish.
Selfish reasons were why taggy commented that my blogs were pseudo intellectual crap. Selfish reasons are why I am replying [:)] asking what determines intellect anyway?
Another very common example that I have faced of un-selfish gestures is that of a mother giving birth to a child. Rubbish I say. The reason that the mother is bringing the child to life is because she wants to be a mother. Or because she wishes to oblige the person who wants to be a father, or a grand-mom, or a grand-dad. In any case, I doubt she is doing it just because a non-existent foetus with non-existent feelings and wants, wishes to be born. All is done for selfish reasons. Even if I jump in front of a bus to save someone, and possibly lose my life in the process, I would do so because just before I make the leap, my mind would bear the fact that this act would be something that would keep me satisfied, would keep me happy.

Its all me. Starts with me, ends at me. So? What is the point of realising that homo-sapien is a selfish species? Probably none. But you could shun the hypocrisy and and lead a straighter life. One where you do everything to please yourself, without setting the false pretense of doing it for the sake of others. Without inhibitions of the views of the society. But then again, maybe it is the hypocrisy that keeps you happy. After all is not selfish happiness all that we are aiming for?
I would welcome any instance that any of you can think of that is un-selfish in your views. But pray do think hard as to what it is being done for. You will find out yourself that it is your own happiness that makes you do it. Nothing else.